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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sneak Preview
Category: Writing and Poetry

Not sure why, but I tried to post this last night and it never went through. Or something. Here’s to a second try.

I’ve been working on my comics again (I set them aside for a while recently), and I’ve made some changes. Meltdown has been renamed Union of Heroes, which I think is a bit more fun, evokes a Silver Age feel, and is even somewhat ironic (the “Union” is funded by the billionaire father of one of the main characters). I ended up renaming Nymph, as too many people seemed to draw the wrong conclusions regarding her name, and I got tired of explaining that it’s a reference to Greek mythology. Instead, she’s now Psyche, which is actually more appropriate for a telepathic teenaged girl. Oddly enough, Psyche, the Greek goddess of the soul, was a nymph before she was elevated to godhood.

I’ve thrown out the previous version of the script to the first issue. It was too slow in the beginning, and didn’t catch your attention from page one. I’m hoping to do better on this draft. I’m posting the first five pages of the script-in-progress below. Let me know what you think!

Union of Heroes ..1 – Neophytes

Page 1
Splash Page
Beauty shot of PLASMID fending off simultaneous attacks by PYRE, VERSIPELLIS, & SINGE, while in the background, PSYCHE helps a dazed SPHERE, NUCLEUS stands in dumbfounded shock, and the crowd in the ballroom flees.
1. Caption:
In a world where superhumans have existed for decades, the superhero is a rare exception. Today, a young team of would-be heroes has had their debut rudely interrupted. This Union of Heroes is made up of:
2-7. Captions (over each character):
Pyre
Versipellis
Singe
Psyche
Sphere
Nucleus
8. Caption:
But today, they are just…
9. Title:
Neophytes.
10. Credits:
Created by Jeffrey Harlan.

Page 2
Panel 1
Flashback to a few months earlier. Pyre aka John Chambers is sitting on a board evaluating potential members of the new team. The candidate in front of him has a homemade costume, complete with cape. It looks ridiculous, but he’s just so damned excited to be there.
1. Caption:
Several months earlier…
2. Candidate:
Call me Leafmaster!
Panel 2
John isn’t quite as thrilled. He’s been through dozens just like this guy.
3. John:
Uh, OK, Mr.– uh, Leafmaster. What exactly–
Panel 3
Leafmaster cuts him off, putting his hands around a potted flower decorating the table.
4. Leafmaster:
What can I do?
Panel 4
The flower’s nearly doubled in size.
5. Leafmaster:
I make plants grow! Any plant!
Panel 5
The flower’s getting so enormous, it’s now a bush that covers the entire table.
6. John:
Oh-kay. Thats… different.
7. Leafmaster:
Imagine! Giant Venus flytraps to capture our foes! Living vine handcuffs that grow stronger when–
Panel 6
John’s still not impressed.
8. John:
Yeah, that’d be great…
Panel 7
Leafmaster is overjoyed. Speechless, even.
Panel 8
John’s not done. Get out the needle. Ready the balloon.
9. John:
…if we were in Wisconsin. But this is Vegas. A desert. Sorry.
Panel 9
Pop! Leafmaster’s bubble has been thoroughly burst.
10. John (off-panel):
Next!

Page 3
Panel 1
As the next candidate is ushered in, thankfully wearing normal street clothes, the table collapses under the weight of the mutant flora. John hangs his head in resignation.
1. SFX:
Crack!
Panel 2
The candidate stands across the broken table from John, who’s about ready to throw in the towel. It’s Nucleus.
2. John:
State your name and power…
Panel 3
Nucleus holds up a fist. It’s glowing, surrounded by crackling, green energy.
3. Nucleus:
David Brown. I can generate a kind of bio-chemical energy. I guess you could call it a–
Panel 4
Back to the present, boys and girls, in a splash panel that dominates the bottom 1/2 to 2/3 of the page. All off for the latest dose of ugly truth, as Plasmid is showing his true colors namely the familiar greenish glow of his own bio-chemical plasmid, identical to Nucleus’.
4. Plasmid:
–Plasmid!
5. Plasmid:
My goddamned name is Plasmid!

Page 4
Panel 1
Sphere, who’s off on the sidelines with Psyche and Nucleus, is a little confused.
1. Sphere:
Damn, Nucleus, dude’s got the same powers as you!
2. Nucleus:
Not surprising, really…
Panel 2
Nucleus stands up on his own. Sphere’s jaw drops.
3. Nucleus:
…he is my brother, after all.
Panel 3
Plasmid’s head snaps around toward Nucleus.
4. Plasmid:
Half-brother! HALF-brother, you son of a–
Panel 4
Nucleus cuts him off.
5. Nucleus:
Don, have some respect for mom.
Panel 5
Plasmid’s too wrapped up in his own anger to care.
6. Plasmid:
Go to hell. You don’t know what it’s like to suffer. You don’t know pain. None of you do.

Page 5
Panel 1(left) Singe
Another flashback, with Singe in the hot-seat this time. Her story runs down the left side of the page, while Versipellis’ runs down the right. We see a young Singe aka Nicole Harris being beaten by her father, who’s a drunken slob.
1. Caption:
You don’t know what it’s like to suffer…
Panel 1(right) Versipellis
Versipellis’ turn for a flashback. He’s just a boy, about eight or nine, walking on a Los Angeles street with his father.
2. Caption:
You don’t know pain…
Panel 2(left)
Close up of young Nicole protecting her bruised face with her arms.
Panel 2(right)
A car careens around a corner, with gang-bangers shooting out through the windows.
Panel 3(left)
Nicole grabs for her father’s shirt, electricity crackling between her fingers.
Panel 3(right)
Versipellis’ aka Jim Williamson’s dad shields him from the oncoming fire, taking the bullets squarely in the chest.
Panel 4(left)
Nicole’s father is arched backward in agony he’s being electrocuted.
Panel 4(right)
Jim is standing over his father’s body in tears, screaming… and shapeshifting for the first time.
Panel 5 (across bottom of page)
Nicole is backed against a wall in fear, as smoke rises from her father’s chest.
3. Caption:
None of you do.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Stop the “Don’t Let the People Decide” Act
Current mood: angry
Category: News and Politics

Congress apparently likes irony. Why else would a bill that would narrow our choice of candidates in elections, be named the Let the People Decide Clean Campaign Act? This bill, H.R. 4694, would prohibit private donations to candidates to the House of Representatives, give a funding advantage to the incumbent over the major-party challenger, prohibit individuals from using their own money independently to support or criticize a candidate’s views, and impose absurdly small spending caps on most third party and independent campaigns. The laws we already have overwhelmingly favor incumbents and the two major parties who make government bigger year after year; this bill would put the nail in the coffin of all meaningful opposition. We must let everyone in Congress know that this is completely unacceptable to the American people. Click here: http://action.downsizedc.org/wyc.php?cid=42 to send a message to Congress urging them to oppose the misnamed Let the People Decide Clean Campaign Act.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Update

Just thought I’d say it’s been way too long since I posted here or made any updates. I got my cable modem turned back on here in the dorm, and got a part-time job at Fry’s. Thanks to the Fry’s job, I’ve got very little free time anymore. I also found out that I got orders to Incirlik AB, Turkey, this week. I’ll be leaving in June.

A lot of stuff has happened in the last few months. Some of it good, some of it not so good. I’m finally getting several of my bills paid off. I thought I met the woman I was going to marry, but that ended badly. I got to visit my family in Wisconsin for Christmas, and surprise them all in the process.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Offline
Current mood: disappointed

Just letting everyone know that I’m offline for the foreseeable future… I was sharing a wireless link to a firend’s DSL line, but he wasn’t getting the bandwidth he desired for World of Warcraft, so he had to cut some people off… Hey, it’s his network, so he can do as he pleases. I thank him for allowing me to use it, and move on.

No clue yet when or how I’ll be returning to the ‘Net, outside of work and the occasional forays to the base library, but I’ll check online as often as I can.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

What’s your life rated?
Current mood: tired

OK… kinda surprised me, but then again, not really.


My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

Monday, June 27, 2005

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mod Part Deux
Current mood: bored

Told ya I’d get some pictures up…

Check out my gallery

Sunday, June 19, 2005

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mod
Current mood: geeky

I’ve started up the biggest overhaul to my computer in months: I’m performing a huge mod to my system case.

I’ve already finished the interior. That was simple enough: I wrapped up the loose cables inside with blue electrical tape and further secured that with black nylon zip ties; this has already vastly improved air circulation inside the case, which has greatly helped with cooling. I also installed a DVD -R/RW that I found at Wal-Mart for $35, and I’m waiting for the anodized silver thumb screws for the case panels and a 4-port internal USB hub, which I won on eBay. The USB hub will fit into the 3.5″ drive bay formerly occupied by my old non-functioning floppy drive.

I’ve now removed all the exterior panels: front plastic bezel, and the metal sides and top, and the plastic parts have all had the first coat of primer applied. I’m waiting on the metal parts until next payday, when I can afford to buy the new case fans and plexiglas for the window panes.

I’m going to paint the case a gloss, mirror-finish black with the same process used to paint cars, so the final result will be very impressive. On the right side panel (behind the motherboard, so there won’t be much clearance behind it), I’m cutting a window in the shape of the biohazard symbol, and the fan I’m installing on the top of the case will have a matching biohazard symbol on the grill. On the left side panel (where there’s more room), I’m cutting a window in the shape of the radiation symbol. The circle in the center of the rad symbol will be a second case fan, which will have another rad symbol on its grill.

Eventually, I’ll be adding some lighting inside the case. The fans I’m getting have built-in LED lights, and the rad symbol will have a blue light, while the biohazard symbol will have a red LED. In time, I’ll be adding red and blue lights for the biohazard and radiation windows, respectively. But those will have to wait at least another month, for the paycheck after next, due to budget constraints.

So far, I’ve spent just over $30 on spray paint, black zip ties, colored plastic tape, razor blades, sandpaper, the thumb screws, and the internal USB hub, and next payday, I’ve budgeted to spend about another $40 for the chrome case handles, the fans, and the fan guards, plus shipping. The LED lights I’m currently looking at will only run about $5 each, but I don’t expect to be able to afford those at that time.

I’ll be posting images of the case mods in progress as I get the pictures developed.

Edit: Here’s a couple “before” pictures of my computer:

Sunday, June 19, 2005

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mod
Current mood: geeky

I’ve started up the biggest overhaul to my computer in months: I’m performing a huge mod to my system case.

I’ve already finished the interior. That was simple enough: I wrapped up the loose cables inside with blue electrical tape and further secured that with black nylon zip ties; this has already vastly improved air circulation inside the case, which has greatly helped with cooling. I also installed a DVD -R/RW that I found at Wal-Mart for $35, and I’m waiting for the anodized silver thumb screws for the case panels and a 4-port internal USB hub, which I won on eBay. The USB hub will fit into the 3.5″ drive bay formerly occupied by my old non-functioning floppy drive.

I’ve now removed all the exterior panels: front plastic bezel, and the metal sides and top, and the plastic parts have all had the first coat of primer applied. I’m waiting on the metal parts until next payday, when I can afford to buy the new case fans and plexiglas for the window panes.

I’m going to paint the case a gloss, mirror-finish black with the same process used to paint cars, so the final result will be very impressive. On the right side panel (behind the motherboard, so there won’t be much clearance behind it), I’m cutting a window in the shape of the biohazard symbol, and the fan I’m installing on the top of the case will have a matching biohazard symbol on the grill. On the left side panel (where there’s more room), I’m cutting a window in the shape of the radiation symbol. The circle in the center of the rad symbol will be a second case fan, which will have another rad symbol on its grill.

Eventually, I’ll be adding some lighting inside the case. The fans I’m getting have built-in LED lights, and the rad symbol will have a blue light, while the biohazard symbol will have a red LED. In time, I’ll be adding red and blue lights for the biohazard and radiation windows, respectively. But those will have to wait at least another month, for the paycheck after next, due to budget constraints.

So far, I’ve spent just over $30 on spray paint, black zip ties, colored plastic tape, razor blades, sandpaper, the thumb screws, and the internal USB hub, and next payday, I’ve budgeted to spend about another $40 for the chrome case handles, the fans, and the fan guards, plus shipping. The LED lights I’m currently looking at will only run about $5 each, but I don’t expect to be able to afford those at that time.

I’ll be posting images of the case mods in progress as I get the pictures developed.

Edit: Here’s a couple “before” pictures of my computer:

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

what happened the year i was born…
Current mood: tired


In 1977 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter becomes president of the US
Most of the 10,000 Vietnam War draft evaders are pardoned by President CarterSinger Anita Bryant starts her “Save Our Children” crusade against gay rightsElvis Presley dies in his Graceland bathroom

Congress creates a Department of Energy

Anwar Sadat flies to Jerusalem in a dramatic gesture of willingness to discuss peace

Orlando Bloom, Shakira, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Liv Tyler, and Ludacris are born

New York Yankees win the World Series

Oakland Raiders win Superbowl XI

Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

Swedish music group ABBA passes The Beatles as having most records sold

Star Wars is the top grossing film

The Shining by Stephen King is published

“You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone spends the most time at the top of the US charts

Three’s Company premieres


What Happened the Year You Were Born?
More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

you know you’re addicted to star trek when…
Current mood: sleepy


You Know You’re Addicted to Star Trek When…

Your favorite drink: Tea, earl grey, hot
You can quote the name of every single episode just by watching the first 10 seconds of the introductory clipYou own 13 Star Trek Technical Manuals and Blue Print Schematics of all Starship but you no longer need themWhen seeing a doctor, you’re afraid of getting a shot and ask for a hypospray instead

Your electronic project: Positronic brain

You have 4 TVs at home and each of them are playing TOS, TNG, DS9 and VOY respectively 24 hours a day non-stop

You remembered the lock up code that Data uses on the Enterprise’s Main Bridge before beaming down to meet Dr. Soong and Lore

You’ve learned playing the song “The Inner Light” with a penny whistle

After broken your neighbour’s window, instead of just running away, you try to use the “Picard Maneuver” to escape

You’re hosting a conference, your response to any suggestions: Make it so

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Star Trek.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here

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Monday, May 23, 2005

oh my…
Current mood: amused

Some of these hit a little too close to home…


You Know You’re From Wisconsin When…

You can taste a difference in cheese made somewhere else
You own at least one tie with a or peice of jewelry with a Green Bay Packer themeYou can find and pronounce : Eau Claire, Oconomowoc, Menomonee Falls, Waukesha, and La Crosse, Fond du Lac.You can correctly spell Milwaukee.

You know what “bubbler” means.

At least one of your family members works / worked in a cheese factory.

A holstein cow outside of Wisconsin makes you miss home.

You can taste the difference between apples grown up north and the ones that you can buy in the south.

When talking about the Green Bay Packers you refer to them as “we”.

When the weather hits 0 degrees you decide that maybe it’s time to get out a jacket instead of a sweatshirt.

The family gets together every week for fish fry at the local pub.

You know what a brat is, and they’re at every outdoor event that your family has ever had.

You know how to make a very good sled out of normal household items.

Your love you outdoor pool because of how it doubles as an ice skating area during the winter.

You can tell the difference between the smell of cow manure and pig manure.

You have watched Fargo and not noticed an accent.

You drive around with the air conditioning on until it hits 30 degrees, because it just was so darn hot outside.

The local paper needs 6 pages to cover the Packers… in July!

Your best shirt has a big letter G on it.

You’ve said “Of course they’ll win. They’re God’s team.”

You think it’s nice enough to swim when the temperature hits 50.

You family owns a “winter car” while the “good one” sits in the garage from Nov-Apr.

Your put ketchup on a charcoal grilled NY strip steak.

You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.

You think everyone from south of Madison has an accent.

You can identify a Michigan accent.

Down South to you means Chicago.

Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.

You can make sense out of the words “upnort” and “Trivers”.

You have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.

You consider Madison exotic.

You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.

You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.

You buy cat litter every winter, but you don’t own a cat.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant or cannery.

You know what to do with a Blatz.

You don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Bucky the Badger hangs on your Christmas tree even if you didn’t go to University of Wisconsinm Madison.

You’re a member of the Polar Bear Club and proud of it.

You can use the word “ya der hey” easily in a sentence

You hear someone use the words “uff-dah” and you don’t immediately break into uncontrollable laughter.

Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.

You know how to polka

You own a cheesehead

You have cow pharaphenilia around your house, including your pajama pants

You know what a FIB is and can spot them a mile away.

You think of the major four food groups as cheese, beer, brats and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

FFA was the most popular club in high school

You have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair.

There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning

Country Kitchen is the place to meet after the party

You have ever seen or played in a “broom ball” game.

You have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana, German Fest, Irish Fest, Oktoberfest, or all of the above.

You or someone you know was a “Dairy Princess” at a county fair.

You can’t be friends with a Vikings fan

Your idea of diversity is having black, white, and brown cows.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Wisconsin.



You Know You’re From LA When…

You’re driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends
You go to a karaoke bar and battle with seven year old divas-in-training who are trying to steal your thunderYou’re sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the dayYou go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch

You see purple and gold and the word “Threepeat” on every corner

You begin to “lie” to your friends about where you are (i.e. “Yeah I’m like 20 minutes away”) – when you know that it’ll take you at least an hour to get there).

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal

You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it’ll be your favorite Laker or WB star.

You make a conscious choice to watch Jay Leno over David Letterman

You mourned for Tupac and not for Biggie

You know it’s best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about “twenty minutes”.

You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.

You’ve inadvertently learned Spanish.

You’ve got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.

In the “winter”, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You’ve bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.

You know what “sigalert”, “PCH”, and “the five” mean.

Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you’re definitely driving.

You have a gym membership because it’s mandatory.

Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.

You can’t fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.

When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.

You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.

You’ve trespassed through private property to get to the “Hollywood” sign.

You’ve partied in Tijuana at least once.

You know Hollywood has a “lake”.

You don’t stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

You’ve lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.

You’ve ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.

You think that Venice is a beach.

You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don’t notice.

You’ve started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON’T WALK sign started flashing.

You’ve never listened to NPR.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You have a favorite Thai restaurant.

You think Johnnny Rocket’s is an accurate depiction of a diner.

You think Manhattan is a beach.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

You’ve been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.

When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: “With/Without traffic.”

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An “818” would never date a “562” and anyone from “323” or “213” is ghetto/second class. Best area code: “310.”

Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your rear view mirror. You don’t panic or even flinch. Instead, you call your friends on your car phone and tell them you’re on TV.

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald’s or a Starbucks.

Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.

You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.

Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail…..

It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing.

You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: “That ain’t even a 5-pointer” and go back to sleep.

You think you are better than the people who live “Over the Hill”. It don’t matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.

Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.

You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, ” They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space.”

You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.

That last one goes for your local convienience store man, too.

You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.

You personally know at least 5 people with agents.

You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.

You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don’t have any.

You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

You’ve done something on a street corner in an attempt to get money (i.e. sang, tap danced, told jokes).

You’ve gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.

You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.

Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don’t notice.

The guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

You really can never be too rich or too thin.

The gym is packed at 3pm…on a workday.

The workday starts at 10am…or whenever you get out of your therapy session.

Any invitation comes with, “Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic.”

You have never met a waiter that wasn’t really an “Actor.”

You never go to a coffee house without a copy of a script – any script.

It’s sprinkling and there’s a report on every news station about “STORM WATCH ’99”

You call 911 and they put you on hold.

You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:30 tae-bo class.

The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn’t caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.

A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, “you don’t drink or smoke, right?”

All the “cool gyms” allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?

The hot seasonal party favor is a candied apple from Neiman’s. The apples are called “Skinny Dippers.”

The waitress asks if you’d like “carbs” in your meal.

Bars card. For real.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.



You Know You’re From Iowa When…

Vacation means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland
Down South to you means MissouriYou have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Des Moines”You know the answer to the question, :”Is this Heaven?”

You know where all the Yoders live (or Andersons, or Van den Bergs)

You know what “hawks” and “clones” are

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable

You can locate Iowa on the map

You’ve ever been on a “Geode Hunt”

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and is accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice

You say “catty-wampus” instead of “kitty-corner”

You’ve never taken public transportation

You have boiled fish in lye for Christmas

You know what “uff-da” means and how to use it properly

You know what “Amish Country” is

The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks

You know exactly where “Field of Dreams” was filmed

When someone says they are going out for dinner or supper, you know which meal they are talking about. You listen to “Paul Harvey” every day at noon.

You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, corn, and soy nuts.

You’re pulled over and asked by the cop, “Had a little to much to drink, (your first name here)?

You own the complete “Dukes of Hazzard” video collection.

“Hick” is a style of clothing.

You can use the words, ‘crik’, ‘holler’, and ‘skunk weed’ in the same sentence.

Your Christmas gift, when you were ten years old was a shotgun (a BB gun if you were a ‘townie’).

You know someone personally who is involved in meth trade or manufacture.

Your idea of a party is throwing cans of WD40 in a campfire while you’re drunk.

You’ve been to a rave in a barn.

You’ve had sex in the back of a truck … amid cows.

You know that cows don’t sleep standing up.

You’re concerned about the rates of corn growth in Illinois as compared to that of Iowa’s.

You listen to Ag Day at 6AM … two hours after you get up in the morning.

You believe that trees in Iowa lean towards Nebraska … because Nebraska sucks!

You know several people who still refer to Japanese cars as “rice-burners.”

“Styx” plays a concert at the county fair, and people actually show up.

You don’t get nervous when you walk into a biker bar (unless you’re an Iowa City cop).

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Iowa.



You Know You’re From Las Vegas When…

You know which one is Sigfriend and which one is Roy
You’ve played slots… in 7-11Your car payment is more than your rentYou’ve seen a porn star up close

Your McDonald’s has a hand-painted portrait of Marilyn & Elvis

The slot machines in the airport drown out the PA announcements

You’ve attended a drive through wedding

You’ve been to a museum… at a casino

Your favorite form of mass transport is free

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Las Vegas.


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